Listening to the RAIN

Bun Bun and Shiba — my nurture support team

Since writing my last blog post I've had questions about how long I've been dealing with anxiety. Upon deeper reflection, I realize I have been dealing with anxiety much longer than 2022.

I remembered I named my anxiety a few years ago: Amy, inspired by the role of the amygdala in our brains. Amy is the originator of the fear factory. I even penned lyrics to a song with a chorus, “Amy, come down, you're flying too high”. The song also included the phrase, “you’ve got to calm down.” But when has that ever worked?

What is working for me now is following the RAIN approach created by Tara Brach. RAIN is an acronym.

Let me walk you through this approach and what the letters stand for.

R: Recognize what’s going on

I need to be alive to the anxiety inside my body, in the same way as I am alive to my feelings. I already see my feelings as signs which tell me to pay attention — I figured that out a few years ago. I now had to turn my mind to applying the same to my anxiety. I am learning to pay attention to where I feel it in my body, which is why I gave Amy two friends, Frank and Harry. I felt it in three areas, depending on the situation. Here, I can say hello and welcome back to my anxious security team.

A: Allow the experience to be there, just as it is

This is where I use mindfulness the most. I don't try to change Amy, Frank or Harry. I don’t try to make them go away. I just accept their existence and follow them wherever they go inside my body. They belong here. My survival depends on their existence.

This also gives me more time to avoid an involuntary response to some unseen but very much felt threat. Let me give you an example.

We were driving up the I5 in Washington approaching the US/Canada border. We were disappointed to see a sign telling us our preferred lane, the Nexus lane, was closed. Following their directions we proceeded to wait in the regular line. During our one-hour wait, we watched as others started using the forbidden lane. I happened to say to my husband, “They better not ask us why we didn’t use the Nexus lane!” I convinced him not to switch over in case we got into trouble and lost our Nexus privileges. When we finally approached the border official, I’m afraid my self-fulfilling prophecy came true. “Why didn’t you use the Nexus lane?” His tone carried more than a hint of derision. Without thinking, I snapped back to inform him of everything wrong with that question. Now, I typically don’t speak unless spoken to in this situation if I’m not the driver. I was horrified at my response because there was no time to think. He didn’t hold that against us — luckily.

You can see why I am keen to increase my awareness and window of tolerance!

I: Investigate with interest and care

Once I give space to Amy, Frank, and Harry, I can gently check in with them. “What do I need to pay attention to right now?” I sit back and listen for the response. It's amazing what I can learn. Sometimes it's because I need to get out of bed to take care of business (so to speak). Sometimes it's because they are afraid for me — my reputation, being abandoned by those who love me, past hurts, etc. I will continue to listen to these three to further understand their respective fears as they all seem to have something different to say.

N: Nurture with self-compassion

This was a bit of a mystery for me. I thought diaphragmatic breathing and asking my anxious security team to stand down — because I’ve got this — should do the trick. My trauma counsellor pushed me.” How are you nurturing your body?” I drew a blank. Then she expanded my world with an explanation of the importance of our five senses: touch, sight, hearing, smell and taste. When our bodies are hurting, we need our bodies to heal that hurt.

Setting taste aside for now, we honed in on the remaining four senses to see what resonated with me. I was to think of what gave me that “aaahhhhhh” feeling or a long exhalation. It didn’t take me long to realize how important touch is to me. I quickly pulled out Pepper, my super soft Squashmallow key chain. I began to see the opportunity to use something like Pepper before bed to help nurture my body in advance.

When I mentioned this to my husband, he immediately saw opportunities. He walked me to our local HMart so I could bring home Bun Bun and Shiba (shown in the image above). They are the medicine for my body.

I can already hear the chuckles from some of you about the woman on the wrong side of 50 who plays with stuffies. You can laugh all you want, my friends, because the level of calm and restoration I have experienced is real. Even I laugh at myself — when I’m not nurturing my body.

I am continuing to pay attention to what else gives me that long exhalation in other settings, like Gregorian chants, forest bathing, that eucalyptus and lavender scent at the spa, a really good cup of dark roast coffee and milk froth, and a simple cup of hot water. I want to fill up my nurture arsenal with whatever works.

That completes my understanding and application of RAIN.

I have always seen the rain as a comfort blanket (because I am not a fan of the white stuff). Isn’t it fascinating that RAIN will do the same for me?

So, let it rain! Let it rain! Let it rain!

Note: Bun Bun is a hot water bottle.

Photo: Tammy Brimner